The Beauty of Sleep

Two nights ago Ben went in to turn off the kids music and lights after they were asleep, which he does most nights, and he came out of Luke's room telling me to "come look". As I walked to his bedroom door I saw him sleeping on the floor, favorite blanket and all, two feet away from his very comfy bed. It was so funny and sweet and I just couldn't resist taking a picture. It immediately reminded me of one of the most special feelings I have had as a mother. My mom once told me after a particularly hard day with Ivy, "Babies always redeem themselves when they are sleeping." It is so true. They could be grumpy and whiny and have exhausted you. All parents have those days. But there is a peace, a sereneness that they have while sleeping that I envy. They are never more beautiful to me than when they have happily drifted in to Dreamland. I have always loved to watch my babies sleep and now that they are older and sleep on their own I get to do that less and less. So I also went in to Ivy's room to take her picture. I had to turn on the light as she has started sleeping in complete darkness, another sign she is growing up. She was also sleeping funny. Not on the floor like her brother, but on top of her perfectly made bed (it's her favorite thing to do when cleaning her room) without a blanket at all. As I turned her light out and left her room Ben and I talked about how beautiful Ivy and Luke are and how much we love them, even though there are times they try our patience and wear us out. They had "redeemed" themselves, not really needing to at all

About three or four nights ago Luke was having trouble falling asleep so I let him cuddle me on the couch. I rarely do this as I think, especially on school nights, that bed time is bed time, and it is important for the kids to soothe themselves. I have always been this way. Even when they were babies I stopped rocking them to sleep by three months. I put them in their cribs when it was bed time and that was that. I have found that for me as a mom it works best. As I have spent most of the last eight years raising my children alone I have had to balance time, discipline, affection, etc. and it was a decision I made to teach them that bed time is important, even as babies, as I believe it starts there. Even in the summer I stick to our eight o'clock weeknight bedtime. I have found that the nights are so important to parents, first with Chris and me when Ivy and Luke were babies and he was working all the time, then after Chris died and I was doing it all alone, and now with Ben and me since the kids are constantly full of questions and stories and energy. We cherish the quiet nights we have together and we know that it is so important for us to spend that quality time together to stay close and connected and in love. So it was a school night and I let Luke cuddle me on the couch. It took all of about five minutes for him to fall asleep and it brought me such comfort. It had been so long since my boy fell asleep in my arms (he barely fits in my arms anymore). Since he started kindergarten I have been longing for a baby so badly. I want more children. Being a mother has been my greatest joy and my greatest success. I miss that baby smell, the little fingers and toes, baby food, even diapers. But while Ben and I can't wait to have another baby, we know that right now isn't the best time to start trying. Luke falling asleep in my arms showed me that I can wait a little while longer, he is still my "baby" and still needs me as much as he did when he was born, just in a different way.